It is exactly one year since I almost stabbed myself to death. Where am I after these events? Has anything changed? Don’t matter if it’s for better or for worse, but is it any different?

It might have been for a while, but here I am again drowning in booze, considering starting a yet another office job. I loathe it, but what else is left for me to do? I already said that I’m losing interest in pretty much everything. I might as well die tomorrow and it wouldn’t be a big deal, so why not try something stupid one more time.

I guess I should start asking myself questions about the real issues with each of my jobs. It all feels the same after a while, there must be a pattern, which I haven’t really figured out yet. Do I want it? To crack it down? Or should I just hold myself together for about one more year to save for retirement. Real retirement this time. It’s definitely doable, but there is a certain risk of me wanting to kill myself again. If I am to act according to a vague plan that popped in my head—which is having two jobs at a time—the possibility of burnout is huge.

Posted in: uncategorized
Tags: