I can be proud of myself again: I got another girl’s phone number! This time I didn’t even know her, didn’t expect anything to happen either. Or for that matter: anything other than throwing up after mixing Jameson’s with beers…

She saved me actually. She had some water in her bag which I eagerly drank. It wasn’t much, but allowed me to hold throughout the conversation. I wonder if I caught any substantial amount of rain into the bottle. Even if I didn’t, it was funny I suppose. She smiled a lot at least.

Take Me to Church

Who could have imagined, that I’d be sitting on a bench by the church with a girl that so much reminded me of Jennifer Lawrence. I told her she looked like an actress, but I don’t think I mentioned which one. Would she like that kind of compliment? Some people don’t consider it positive. No wonder really, everyone wants to be unique in some way.

Stupid me, I was so drunk, that I can’t even remember her face. At one moment she smiled at me, with her hair wet from the rain, and that stuck in my mind. But I actually see Jennifer in this memory. Heck, I’m not sure whether she had black hair, what color clothes she wore. I do remember however her chubby fingers (just like Mrs. Lawrence once described hers) from the moment I took her hand and gave a prolonged kiss. It was a goodbye kiss, but before that happened, we touched each other quite a lot as for total strangers.

One other physical contact I remember vividly was when I held her hand and put my other finger on her tattoo. She didn’t mind that at all. She was so calm. I even complimented on her courage when I shared my regrets that all the other women are afraid of me in the darkness of the night. Maybe she wasn’t because I was barely standing and not being able to see clearly…

We got wet, but not soaking. The rain was so pleasant. She looked gorgeous from what I remember. I once wanted to uncover her face from those wet hair. Maybe I even moved my hand close to it, but probably it would be too much. If I did it, I would for sure kissed her afterwards. She took me to the church’s ground to cover from rain. We sat next to each other, very close, talked like we were old time friends. Or lovers even.

Is It a Crime?

A few times during our foolish games we openly discussed her age. I actually stated point blank, that I was afraid it was illegal to be doing this. And how the hell did she know, that 15 is the legal age… She claimed she was almost that, but I could tell she was goofing around. Kids that age don’t have tattoos, and they don’t go out for beers with friends that late. So sweet of her, and charming. She holds to this version in texts we exchanged. Sugary sweet.

My vision was severely impacted, but I can remember her smell very well. I said to her that I loved it! Few jokes about it, and in a fraction of a second I leaned my head against her shoulder. Just for a brief moment, unfortunately. I could’ve stayed like that much longer. The level of connection between us, the calmness, they were unthinkable. Was this love from the first sight? Or scent, perhaps?

My Favourite Number

How the hell did I make that number up? I told her, I’d text her in 55 hours. Hilarious! Perhaps it has something to do with my favourite number (11), which we talked about. I shared my tattoo idea with her. Anyway, it is already almost 2 days after our first meeting and I’m in the middle of this ploy: what do I write to her?

It’s so silly. I kind of feel like a teenager who’s first time in love with a girl. There is some hesitation: about her not answering, not liking the sober me; maybe even I’m totally wrong and she’s not even my type of beauty. But hey, no, I know what I know, I felt it. And it’s not only skin deep. She’s got a beautiful soul, I know it for sure. She listened to one of my favourite songs, I cannot be mistaken. And–as I texted her–she has more reason than I do.

All of it can be just a stupid fairy tale, but who cares really? Does it matter at all if I ever see her again? I cannot lose anything by trying to contact her. I know that if I don’t do that, I’ll regret that even more. Like in those numerous other cases…

Butterflies

So what is it then? Do you want a girlfriend? A partner? Somebody to love? I can tell you, I haven’t felt the way I am now in a long long time. It is taking all of my mind, but it’s such a comfortable and dreamy feeling. Everything else now is of little importance. I’m not thinking about killing myself, even though I just read a whole lot on suicide. I can always do it tomorrow, that’s what I’ve been repeating to myself recently.

I made a couple of crazy decisions in the last couple of weeks, why not do some more of the bad. Tomorrow I’m going to sign the contract. I got that job eventually. What a lucky bastard! This may change everything, the job. A relationship would do too!

But who could be my other half? Could it be E.? Have you already forgotten about your imaginary marriage with J.? She wants it for sure, and to have kids. But do we have anything in common? I also felt that nicety in the stomach after few cups of coffee and messages exchanged with her. She’s definitely a beautiful girl, but has she enchanted me with her intellect? It could be a reasonable idea to engage further. However, I just remembered that I’m not particularly fond of her voice and the way she says some things. E., on the other hand, had a soft and low voice that appealed to me a lot. There was so much confidence in her speech. I’m gonna text her right now!

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